Today, I had one of those moments when something dawns on you. For me, it was today while I was hacking at my face with my razor, trying to shave. I haven't shaved my face or really been great on the upkeep of my personal appearance as of late, a byproduct of not looking in the mirror.

I'm not a mountain man, despite my previous appearance.

Anyways, as it goes, while cleaning the razor I realized what color was coming in on my beard on some patches, the traditional Buechel red beard. When I look at my family, I seem out of place, and a lot different from them. I don't act like them, I'm not interested in the same things, etc. Don't get me wrong, they're still my family and I'm bound to them, I just don't seem to 'blend in' with them. Seeing the little genetic traits like the red facial hair made me smile and realize that yes, I am a Buechel and I can't run from it no matter how much I seem to want to.

It seems as of late I've been having quite a few "I am" this or that kind of moments. I have a feeling it is the result of my wandering aimlessly in the past few years of my life. "Not all who wonder are lost" is a phrase that comes to mind, but in my case, I really have been lost. And I'm getting myself out of that position, and starting to get my bearings. In a sense, I'm finally growing up. Although I think my inner child would definitely refute that comment...

Well, life once again is great. I sort of had a revelation about life, what I want to do with it, my ex and the whole dramatic situation, and a few things.

Ultimately, for me it was easier to bury the past as a whole, from the very beginning way back in 2004 when Drew Hegner died. But because of Drew's death and everything related to it, good or bad, are things that have shaped me into who I am now. If I didn't acknowledge that part of me, then I wasn't truly being myself. I've accepted I can't bring Drew back from the grave, I can't save my ex and her mental/personal problems/history. I can't make people love me, and I can't make people who I considered family appreciate me in the same way.

I am an Eagle Scout, a Vigil Honor Member of the OA, I've served as a leader within the ranks of an organization, a brother of the Zeta Chi, a camp staffer, a role model to the 3 schools I served for after school programs, etc. To deny where it all started and the things that have stemmed from it all would literally kill who I am. I am sick of hearing things, and trying to avoid them simply because of the topic. A few nights ago I was talking to Jess about life, and it seemed everything clicked and I was born again. I rose from the proverbial ashes of my previous misery. Cinerabus Ex Resurgam! From the Ashes I Will Rise!

A good friend of mine {GCC}Mongo floated me a copy of Call of Duty 4, and I've been extremely hooked into the game. This game is definitely great stand alone seperately from the previous 3 CoDs. It was a game that I wanted to beat, I couldn't get enough of it. It's multiplayer isn't jading like Battlefield 2. Right now I'm a Captain I (rank 31, if memory serves), and that's about after a week and a half of 90 min gaming sessions every other night. It's not exactly power leveling, but it's enough between the ranks, challenges, and the weapons to keep me entertained. It is, also enough to make me consider going out and getting Call of Duty 5: World at War despite the fact that it's not made by Infinity Ward. All in all, to me it reminds me of the game play of CS, with the rank/battle system of BF2.

Another thing in the realm of gaming, I finally tackled HL2. I wasn't impressed, it didn't seem to grab my attention until the very end when you're breaking into the heart of City 17. Episode One isn't supposed to be that great... But Episode Two redeemed it. From what I've heard, at least. And, once the L4D scenario and other big titles start clearing desks at Valve, Episode Three shall be budding soon.

In the realm of other entertainment, I am officially hooked into the TV series Firefly. I had an extremely good time watching it, it's a shame that it got cancelled. I did some of the back research, and it's amazing how Fox ultimately set the show up to fail from the very beginning. Also rented Kung Fu Panda and Run Fatboy Run. Both were pretty funny, I laughed my bum off at the accupuncture part in KFP.

Also, getting back to IRC. I'm hanging out in the #xkcd channel on foonet, and #tfcgaschamber on gamesurge.

Also, a big shout out to the Gas Chamber Crew {GCC}, the gaming admins at the Gas Chamber Gaming Community for helping me out as of late. I <3 my friends. lol

http://www.tfcgaschamber.com/

Oh, and I liek taturtots.

*throws a smoke bomb and disappears ninja liek*

Well, a lot of events have happened as of late.

Long stories short, I'm picking up a lot of things where I left them at the beginning of the summer. School has been extremely mixed at the moment but overall something completely different from my previous year. Most of the differences are rather huge pro's, with maybe a few cons that naturally come with all good things. I've been attempting to learn how to play the guitar, writing, just being my carefree self. A big thanks to the friends/family/coworkers around me because they've renewed quite a bit of my faith in life.

For the past 2 years I've had a tattoo design brewing in the back of my mind, and I finally doodled out a design and sent it off to a tattoo artist to iron it out and make it more tattoo friendly...

So. After a bit of a hiatus, I have returned to a somewhat previously considered "normal" state.

A lot of stuff happened this summer. And wasn't fun. And, well I don't feel like being sappy tonight and explaining myself.

I'm back at UWRF, moving back into life as a college student once again.

So, I've gotten a local manufacturing job, I've done about 3 shifts so far there, and the aches and pains are slowly disappearing. I've just been gunning for the weekend so I can do something with the lady. But she doesn't want me to come up or her come down. She has "work to do" and wants to be by herself.

Which is ok and all and I completely understand it, it's something I've felt before, but the timing could have been better. This is the only one reason I lived through this week without falling apart.

Once again I sit here by myself, thinking of stuff that's happened, and thinking about the things of the future.

Here's a brief description of life:
I'm jobless.
I'm pretty much boat anchored to home right now.
I'm itching to do something creative.
I'm thinking of starting my own side business with webdesign, computers, etc.
I want to write stuff about any and every topic on the face of the earth.
I want the summer to end.
I am in severe need of getting more books as I've pretty much read through my own little library.

This summer so far, not much in the way of things has happened at all. I have done a lot of programming for different websites, which is a great thing as there is plenty of work to do.

Other than that, it's been video games, which I can only play for so long before I need to get out. Lately I've been calling up all of my old friends and fraternity brothers in the area to provide some sanity in life. I jokingly say that I'm lonely, but honestly going back to my roots and friends at LC is always a great thing, despite the fact that I've moved on in life to other schools.

This is going to be a long post, but shall be interesting. This is part of the transcript of my graduation ceremony, typed up by myself. There is very little explaining to do, as it is just a simple speech given by a retiring teacher, it pretty much does justice for itself.

So, today was one of those weird days in life.

I had to drop my girlfriend off for the summer at a camp that she's working at. I did the same thing last year, but a lot of things happened that summer that really got to me. And still affect me to this day?

Today was one of the more interesting days I've had in awhile. I haven't really been able to get much work done for web development, but it's been decently hectic.

Firstly, my glasses finally came in. For a week and a half I've been living without them, creating extremely pain in the butt headaches now as I try to adjust to them.

Secondly, the lady has been here the past few days, keeping me out of arms reach of my computer. But always within an arms reach of her. (aww, that sounds cute?). Today we came to the realization that we've been dating for nearly 2 years now. Scary, eh?